kareemopolis

A dachshund, a Spice Girl, and a tauntaun walk into a bar...
How does Lee Pace manage to look hot even as an alien warlord?

How does Lee Pace manage to look hot even as an alien warlord?

Lady Thor!
Black Spider-Man!
Black Kid Flash!
Wonder Woman In Pants!
Throw in Black Helena Bertinelli and Gay Green Lantern, and you have what absolutely should be a real live comic book. Courtesy of the amazing Bryan Q. Miller.

Lady Thor!

Black Spider-Man!

Black Kid Flash!

Wonder Woman In Pants!

Throw in Black Helena Bertinelli and Gay Green Lantern, and you have what absolutely should be a real live comic book. Courtesy of the amazing Bryan Q. Miller.

Today, the debut single by the Spice Girls turned 18 years old. I don’t really need to explain why the Spice Girls and "Wannabe" are both approximately 180% amazing, but here are the top 5 most amazing bits in the video (apart from Mel B’s nipples being banned in some countries, and Geri’s amazing trapeze outfit):

  1. When Mel B almost accidentally kicks Geri in the face just before the second chorus.
  2. When Emma steals a homeless man’s hat at the start of the video (THE EVIL!!!).
  3. When Victoria mimes to one of Mel B's lines because she doesn't really have any of her own.
  4. When Mel C says something unintelligible twice as the group is entering the hotel and it definitely isn’t a dubbing error or anything.
  5. When Geri takes about 3 years to climb the stairs and is therefore late starting the iconic staircase dance routine.

SLAM YOUR BODY DOWN AND WIND IT ALL AROUND, etc.

I’m happy that The Saturdays had a nice holiday in my native Greece, but this thing could really use a dance routine.

Whoever made this…
IT’S MAROON.

Whoever made this…

IT’S MAROON.

A music video about Queen Amidala.

I swear, I did not make this. But I wish I had.

5 Star Wars Spin-Offs That Need to Happen

Today, it was announced that Chronicle director Josh Trank would be directing an unnamed Star Wars spin-off movie, the second such film announced (Gareth Edwards is directing another set for 2016).

So far, the plots of both films remain unknown, although rumors suggest that one will focus on Yoda, and the other on Boba Fett and/or Han Solo. That’s all fine and dandy, but was I the only one hoping for something a little less obvious? 

If we are indeed getting Boba Fett and Han Solo movies, why not a couple of these as well?

1. Vengeance for Lady Vader

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One fascinating but underused element from prequels was Padmé Amidala’s cadre of handmaidens; a group of women who were willing to put their lives on the line for the queen and later senator of Naboo. And while some were spotlighted—namely Dormé and the decoys Cordé and Sabé—they weren’t really given much of a send-off. Now that two of those actresses are big names (Keira Knightley and Rose Byrne), I would love to see some early Rebel Alliance action from these fierce ladies. I also see room for Mon Mothma and a new Queen of Naboo.

Director: Maybe I’ve just watched Sense & Sensibility too many times, but I’m thinking Ang Lee is the man for the job.

Starring: Keira Knightley, Rose Byrne, Naomie Harris, Dominic West, Jay Laga’ia, Genevieve O’Reilly, Keisha Castle-Hughes.

2. Rogue Squadron

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Denis Lawson may be playing hard to get, but he’s too old anyway. One of the best things about the Expanded Universe is the X-Wing series, so why not see something similar committed to film? A more small-scale adventure about diverse, ragtag group of rebels surviving deep space dogfights and evading the Imperial fleet should be an easy sell to Star Wars fans, as well as an opportunity to see some female and non-human Rebel fighter pilots on screen. And if the Rebellion era is too tired, why not set the film in the 30-year period between Episodes VI and VII?

Director: Who is owning wartime movies right now? One woman: Kathryn Bigelow.

Starring: Michael B. Jordan, Natalie Dormer, Evan Peters, Lucy Liu.

3. Jedi Purge

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So far, press for Episode VII has played up audiences’ nostalgia for the original Star Wars trilogy, but avoided callbacks to the prequels. While that’s understandable given their place in the films’ chronology, it would be nice to see a cinematic bridge between the two existing trilogies. Fan-favorite Expanded Universe characters like Quinlan Vos and Ahsoka Tano are still canon and still alive during this period. Throw in backwater planets like Nar Shaddaa and appearances from Shaak Ti (Angela Bassett?), and I will buy out the whole theater.

Director: A splintered group of gifted people on the run from a faceless, monolithic enemy? He might be swamped these days, but I’m thinking Bryan Singer.

Starring: Chloe Moretz, Joe Manganiello, Angela Bassett, Hayden Christensen, Rila Fukushima.

4. Knights of the Old Republic

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While many of the plot threads established in Tales of the Jedi and Knights of the Old Republic are no longer canon, there is no reason why the dawn of the Galactic Republic and Jedi Order can’t be explored. Characters in the films have talked a lot about the Sith, but we’ve only ever seen two at a time. A film set 2,000 years ago at the height of the Sith Wars would not only be a visual spectacle, but also largely free of any existing continuity restraints.

Director: I think the man who gave us both Othello and Thor, Kenneth Brannagh, is the person for the job.

Starring: Lena Headey, Anna Paquin, Gaius Charles, Jackie Earle Haley.

5. Maul Vs. Kenobi

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When Star Wars: Visionaries was released, the idea of a resurrected Darth Maul hunting down Obi-Wan Kenobi was just a step beyond fan fiction. But it became a reality with Clone Wars gave Maul back to us, cyborg legs and all. While it would have to retread some Clone Wars material, a small-scale revenge story that calls back the greatest Star Wars duel ever seems like an obvious sell. And hey, why not throw in a bit of Bail Organa and tween Leia?

Director: The man behind 3:10 To Yuma and The Wolverine, James Mangold.

Starring: Ewan McGregor, Ray Park, Sam Witwer, Joel Edgerton, Jimmy Smits.